


How Are You Feeling?

by pigtalemydarling



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:38:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigtalemydarling/pseuds/pigtalemydarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn doesn't remember anything. Until he meets Harry Styles. He begins to remember stuff from his past. But is this just his imagination? And is Harry really who he says he is? Or is he trusting the wrong people?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“Listen, I really care about you so much okay. So much you can’t even imagine. You are-, you are the most important person in my life. Everything I care about. And, well, I can imagine you don’t want to see me again after I say this, but I have to. I- We, I mean..” His face, so pretty, so vulnerable. I was afraid..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I called him this morning. I knew I had to tell him sometime, and I decided it would only be more hurtful if I postponed it even longer. It’s been almost a month now. I know, I know. Way to long. He doesn’t deserve me, but I just love him too much to actually tell him this. I thought about it whole night. Should I do it, or shouldn’t I… Conclusion- I should. Like I said, it’s been too long already.

So, here I am, walking through the corridors of the Cornwall Hospital in London. Nerves started to run through my veins and my breathing was loud and heavy. I felt like I could pass out every minute, but I had to go on. ‘Come on, you can do this. It’s the best thing you could do. Gemma will be proud of you.’ I encouraged myself while standing in front of his room door.  

“Hey love, how are you feeling?” I said a bit _too_ suspicious.

“Hi Harry! What took you so long? Is something wrong?”

“Urh, well, yeah. I need to _talk_ to you.” My heart started to beat faster in my chest and my hands got sweaty.

“What is it? You’re scaring me Harry..”

“Listen, I really care about you so much okay. So much you can’t even imagine. You are-, you are the most important person in my life. Everything I care about. And, well, I can imagine you don’t want to see me again after I say this, but I have to. I- We, I mean..” His face, so pretty, so vulnerable. I was afraid..

“Babe, I know what you’re gonna say. It’s ok.”

“Is it?” I frowned.

“Yeah, I mean, why wouldn’t it be ok? I feel it too. Our bound is unbreakable, our paths crossed each other with a reason, right? I love you. I really do. I wouldn’t have got through this all without you. You were my reason to live for. I love you.”

My mouth was slightly ajar by his sudden confession. Was he serious. I mean, I love him too, but that wasn’t exactly what I was going to say..


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Niall have to say goodbye.

The phone rang loudly in the night’s air. I slowly opened my sleepy eyes which were a bit sticky. 2:24  I saw on my alarm clock. Who would call on a time like this? And why? Even though I was still in a state of sleep, I picked up the phone.

“Hello?” I questioned with a raucous voice.

“Hi, I’m Edrov Gearen from the police station London. Am I speaking to Zayn Malik?” My breath got heavy. The police?..

“Uuh, yes you are, ..has-”

“It’s about your dad, Zayn. I am really sorry to tell you over the phone, but that was the only thing we could find your adr-“

“Is he.. Is he dead?” I asked with a lump in my throat. 

“He is, Zayn. He is. He died while he was..” he continued talking but his voice got numb. I didn’t hear it anymore. The world began to turn around me. ‘He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead.’ A voice repeated in my head. 

***

Look at us. Always busy, running around like fools without even knowing where to go. It’s kind of sad that it is so rare to have a destination. Every day is a lesson, everything that happens is. 

When you just look around you. In the subway, in a bookstore, in your school, it doesn’t matter where, you’ll always notice 3 things. 

1- everyone is busy doing whatever they’re doing (sometimes even busy doing nothing).

2- there is always love in the air, everywhere you go, you feel it.

3- no one  _really_ has their eyes open.  
  
This is what fascinates me. I walked through the park this morning, (I love mornings), and I noticed all these 3 things. I walked passed a young couple, I guess they were around my age, 19. They were both texting or whatever. It got my attention, cause you could clearly see they were a couple, by the way they were positioned on the bench, but you could still feel something like, negative ions jumping of both of them. And then suddenly, at the same time I began to wonder what could be wrong between them, she yelled: “You cheated on me?! Ooh no! Don’t look so surprised you whore. Megan saw you two together last night. Was that what you were doing all this time? Last night, the night before, the night before that. Were you? Were you fucking that slut, I asked you!” she pushed him, kicked him and whatnot more, and also tears were streaming heavily. He had no tears at all. Then I walked away (otherwise I would start to look like a creep). While I walked to Niall’s, I thought it over.  _Last night, the night before.._ This, this is a good example of point 3. No one really has their eyes open. She didn’t. He was away every night, probably left with a lame excuse. She could’ve noticed something at least. But she didn’t, because her eyes weren’t open.

My eyes are open. They opened a few months ago. When my dad died. My dad was my everything, 2 souls 1 mind, you could say. He used to call me ‘ _Flying Prince’_. And I, I called him ‘ _Bold Eagle’._

My dad told me this: “Son. You are young, as long as you feel young. Do what you need to do, take chances, risks, make sure you live. But always, remember where you come from.” He was just the wisest man on earth.

And I called him Bold Eagle, because he was bold, fearless really. Just like an eagle, flying through the wind. His death made me open my eyes. I believe in the fact that everyone on earth is here with a reason. We need to do something. Something so important that we got the opportunity to live, here, on planet earth.

When he died, I realised that the only family I have left is my 26 year old cousin, Michael. He is a great guy, but I couldn’t figure out why I would’ve been brought here just for him.. So, I guess I haven’t reached my _destination_  yet. But the thing is, at least I am wide eyed searching for it.

——-

“Hi Zayn, come in!” Niall’s always cheerful voice filled the air.

“Hey, Ni! Brought us some roasted chicken” I grinned because I just knew he would like it.

“You’re amazing. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without you in New York man. I miss you already when I only just think of it.” Niall was going to move to New York, with his band. Niall was an amazing singer and guitar player and they got offered a studio in New York to rehearse and stuff.

“I know, I’m going to miss you too. But hey, I still think you got to do it. I’m so proud!” I hugged him tightly and we went to sit on the ground behind his coffee table.

“Just promise me one thing Zayn.”

“What is it?”

“If something’s wrong, you can still call me, okay. Promise me you’ll do that. And, I want to skype every single day. Promise?”

“I promise, I promise.”

“And promise me you will start dating? Find someone to love?” He pouted.

“It’s hard to find someone okay? I can’t promise you that.” I grinned.

“Why is it hard? You’re good looking, young, smart, open-minded, everything someone needs.”

“Ahhww, that’s really sweet Ni, but seriously, I’m not all that. Plus, I’ll scare them away when I say.  _Hey, I’m Zayn, 19 years old, gay and oh if I may ask, do you have a six-pack?_  It just doesn’t work Niall.”  Niall broke out in fits of laughter.

“You did that once, didn’t you?” he asked, still laughing out loud.

“Well, kind of, yeah, but that wasn’t funny at all. Stop laughing you bastard. Remember when you asked that security man at the club in Ireland, how big his balls were?” Now it was my turn to laugh out in hysterics.

“You told me to! I didn’t speak Spanish back then!! You said I asked him where the toilet was!”

After we calmed down from our laughter, we hugged each other as if our lives depended on it.

“I’m going to miss you, so, so much little fucker.”

‘I’m going to miss you, so, so much too big fucker.”

“Don’t cry Zayn. I can stay here if you want? You’re way more important to me then this job.”

Until he said this, I didn’t even notice I was crying. But I cried because I was going to lose someone again. But this time, it was good.

“No Niall, don’t you dare to do that. I love you okay? You are a wise kid, and you are like, my inspiration. You know what you want, and now you finally got a change to do it. To live your dream. I’m just so proud of you. But it’s just… I’m losing someone again..”

“Zayn, listen. You’re not losing me okay? I’m right here.” He stroke his fingers over my heart.

“I will take the first plane to London, if something’s wrong, okay? You won’t lose me, I promise. I will come back in just a month to visit you. And you can visit me sometimes. We have planes for this kind of things. We will skype every day. It’s not like I’m dead. I’m just a few miles away, that’s all.” He dried my tears with his thumb.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know Ni, I love you too.”

 

The next morning, he left. Just a quick hug, a kiss on my cheek and before they entered the plane, a  _quick wave_. So now here I am, sitting on a chair in my living room. Lonely. 

_As lonely as can be.._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall finishes his first single and Liam is being romantic. As always.

I still miss them. Dad, mom, uncle Ben, but especially, Niall. Niall and were friends since forever. And I’m not even kidding when I say we were kind of like a married couple. Niall lived with me and my dad. His parents, mostly his dad, abused him.

One day he knocked the door of my house, and when I opened the door Niall threw himself at me and started crying out loud. To be honest, I didn’t know what to do.

Niall only cried when something was seriously up. He told me and dad the story. He showed us his back, full of bruises and one massive cut, from his right shoulder to his left hip. The same day, Niall moved in with us.

No doubt he was scared. _Scared to death_. What if his parents didn’t allow him to? But it never happened. They just let their precious little boy go, without a _word_.

“NiNi! Can you hear me?” Niall and I skyped every evening at 8.20 pm UK time. At 8.20 I finished dinner and dishes and Niall got back from the studio (2.20 pm in NY). So we figured that would be the best time of the day.

“Zayny!! I can. I miss you man. I can’t wait to come to London again! It’s only two more weeks, are you excited yet?” I smiled like a freak. Niall always managed to make my day with just his smile. I don’t even know why. Probably just the you-smile-I-smile-effect.

“You don’t even know how excited I am! I can’t wait. Is the song already finished?” Niall told me last night he was writing a song, about his life, the hard sides of his life. I was really curious for it, I wanted to hear it so bad.

“Yeah, we finished it today actually. It’s all recorded and stuff. I have it here!” He held up a simple CD, with a small handwriting on it, saying _‘Do You Really Hate Me’_.

“Can you sing it to me?” I pouted.

“We aren’t allowed to. It isn’t out yet.”

“But it’s me Niall. I won’t tell anyone. I don’t even _have_ anyone to tell it to. So, pleeaaasseee.”

“Okay, okay. But don’t you dare, telling anyone about this. Ever.”

“Of course I won’t.” I smiled sweetly at Niall through the camera of my laptop.

“I’ll just sing a part of it”

 

“ _I never told anyone about your eyes_

_They burned wild_

_And crept up and down my spine.._

_Whenever you got a chance to hurt_

_You’d take it all,_

_Like a burning flame and_

_If you’d known_

_Me at all,_

_You’d known you’ve gone too far._

_So, do you really hate me?_

_Did I really need this?_

_Did you ever feel like_

_you were being a good father._

_So please tell me,_

_Do you really hate me?_

_Am I such a shame?…”_

 

Niall slowly trailed off and I was speechless. Oh my god, this was so beautiful, it made me cry.

“Niall, that was amazing!” I tried to say through my crying.

“Yeah, it’s ok- I guess.”

“IT’S OK YOU GUESS? You’re kidding right now right? This is the most amazing song I’ve ever heard. It’s absolutely beautiful NiNi. I’m not even kidding!”

“Thanks Zayny” Finally Niall smiled back at me. I know this song was like, really personal and stuff, so it must be hard for him to sing something this emotionally-related.

“Oh Zayn, my phone is ringing. I have to pick up, hang on!”

“Sure.” I knew Niall had a busy job now. I missed him. I don’t know, I see him every night and still. He is so far away, and I’m just jealous of the people that get to see him every day. He is becoming famous now, I’ll have to deal with it, I know.

“Really! That’s amazing Marcus! Great, thanks for calling!” I heard Niall say on the phone.

“Who’s Marcus?” I asked when he had hung up and sat down to Skype again.

“Our manager. Listen Zayn, I have some exclusive, great news!”

“I’m listening.”

“That song that I just sang to you. Do you really hate me?. It’s coming out tomorrow instead of in 2 weeks! Our producer liked it so much, that he was thrilled to let America hear it. He expects it to be a hit!” Niall was practically ‘fangirling’ over this news.

“Oh, wow, Niall, that’s amazing news! Congratulations.”

“Can you believe it? Me. Niall Horan. Becoming famous.”

“Ahah Ni, I am proud already. And I think it’s going to be a hit too. No doubt to that.” I seriously think it’ll be a hit, and that they will become famous. It must be.

“Live from Los Angeles, performing their new single for the first time. Big applause for BOLD EAGLE!!” Niall imitated the X-Factor voice-over.  I laughed loudly but at the same time I felt a strange feeling inside when he said their band name.

I knew they called it after my dad’s nickname. But first I’d never thought they’d get famous. I’d hoped so, but I was afraid to imagine it really happening.

“My dad would be so proud of you Niall. And so am I.”

Niall looked down for a second when I mentioned my dad. “Thank you Zayn. I wish I could hug you.”

“SCREEN HUG!”  And so did we. I know, it looks ridiculous, but it’s something at least.

“I have to go now Zayn. The boys are waiting outside, we need to do a photo shoot or something at 3. I’m sorry, we’ll talk longer tomorrow. And don’t forget to listen to the radio tomorrow morning! Love you Zayn, bye babe.”

“Love y-” And gone was he. It was like this every night. He talking about his life, and then had to hurry up and leave. Not that I was bothered. I like talking to him, no matter what it’s about. Though I’d like to have someone who  _I_ could talk to. About  _me_ , about my  _day_. But there isn’t right now. So, I’ll just have to deal with it. Michael was too busy with something else anyway.

 

—

 

“Harry!! Come over here for a second. We need to tell you something.” My sister yelled loudly.

“Coming.” I replied lazily. As always. Once I was upstairs and walked towards my room where I heard voices, I knocked the door and opened it. “Yeah?”

“Have a seat, it’s pretty, uurm, shocking?” She kind of asked her fiancée. I simply shrugged and sat down.

“Well… we- uhm… We’re expecting a baby!” She slightly cheered.

“WHAT? Seriously?! That’s amazing! Congratulations guys.” And I gave them both a big hug.

“Yeah, but, uuh, the thing is…” I already felt this coming.

“I have to move out?”

“Well, you don’t  _have_  to. We know you don’t have enough money for it, and we love you. But you know, we run out of rooms and we actually need this room as a baby room, but, yeah, this is  _your_  room. So, we don’t know what to do now.”  _He_  now spoke.

“I’ll move out.” I didn’t know what other option I had. I hadn’t. And I felt on everything that they wanted me to.

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t want my little brother living with me all my life also, so, it’s okay. I’ll find something payable. And I have some time to find something right? It’s no problem. I’m happy for you two.”

“Are you sure Harry? You really don’t have to move out. We could place a wall in our room. Make it two separated rooms?” My sister has always worried about me, and I don’t even know why to be honest. Probably  _motherly feelings_  already.

“No, it’s fine, really. I have a more proper job now. And I think it pays enough to buy a house, and otherwise, I’ll ask my boss for some money. Nick also did that. He was fine with it, so it’s okay then. And you can get used to it for this week. I’m staying at Liam’s for this week. Don’t worry about it. Okay, I’m going to pack my stuff. See you later. Oh and, congrats again! Name it after me.” I said with a cheeky grin, and then left to find a bag for my stuff.

 

\--

 

“LIAM! I’m here!” I yelled into the silence house of my boyfriend.

“Liam?”

No reply.

“Li? Are you home?” Mmm, this was strange. Liam texted me to come over and now he isn’t here. I dropped my bags and stepped out of my shoes, then walked inside the living room.

“Oh my god!” I gasped. Everywhere around the living room were candles. The curtains were closed and a path of rose leafs made their way, out of the living room. I followed them to the kitchen door. “What the hell?” A big  _STOP_  board hang on the door. Under the board was a red envelope. I grabbed it, and read what was on the card.

 

_‘Roses are Red, Violets are blue, dear dear Harry, I want YOU!_

_But first, let’s play hide and seek._

_The sooner you’ll find me, the more you’ll receive._

_Lots of love,_

_Anonymous.’_  

 

Liam was just perfect. Can you imagine someone doing this for you? Neither do I. But, Liam does, and I don’t get what I deserved him for. But where could Liam be hiding?

In the bedroom, of course. That horny little fuck. So, I walked upstairs and opened Liam’s bedroom door. “Found you!” I walked in laughing, till I saw he wasn’t there. “Huh? Li?” Where was he?

I walked pass every room on this floor, but he was nowhere to be seen. So I decided to call Liam. It ringed two times when I suddenly heard Liam’s ringtone coming from outside. I ran up to the window and looked down on the garden.

“ooah!” No, o my god! I ran down the stairs with three steps at once. “LIAM!” The door to the garden banged to the wall loudly when I swung it open. I ran towards Liam and smashed him to the ground.

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you!! I love you so much Liam, you don’t even know!”

“I love you to Harry. But I kind of, can’t breathe..” Liam chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.” I said while standing up again and held out my hand for Liam to stand up.

“What took you so long? You thought I was in the bedroom, huh?”

“No, yeah. But you made it look like that!  _The sooner you’ll find me, the more you’ll receive._ I picked that up as dirty talk.” Thinking back, it made me laugh.

“You just have a dirty mind, there’s a difference, y’know. But.. the thing I  _was_ talking about, was food. I made us dinner. Romantic dinner.” He winked and I melted.

“I saw that from the window, and then I ran towards you as quick as I could. It’s so lovely Liam! The candles complete everything. You’re perfect.”

 

We ate our perfect dinner. This was a night I will never, ever forget. We were feeding each other, kissing, making love. All under the most beautiful sky I’d ever seen. When I told Liam about the baby and the moving out stuff, he had the sweetest reaction.

 

“Liam, Gemma is pregnant.”

“What, really? Harry! That’s amazing! We’re going to be uncles!”

“Uncle Harry has to move out because of the baby..”

“Ooh.. But, uncle Harry can live with Uncle Liam?” I saw Liam was so nervous. He’d asked me to move in with him before, but that was when I was only 17. I wasn’t ready to live with someone then. But now, I wanted it. I really did.

“Are you sure?” I asked looking at the ground.

“I so am, Harry. Haven’t been more sure about anything before.” I threw myself at him once more and kissed the crook of his neck passionately.

“I wish my mom could’ve seen us right now. I wish she could see how happy I am. Just that she knows I’m doing fine.” Liam’s mom was in prison for murdering her husband, Liam’s dad. Liam’s dad was an evil man. He abused Liam’s mother for ages and almost killed her one night.

“She knows you’re okay Liam. You’ve always been independent. I think she isn’t worrying one little bit about you babe. She just misses you like hell.”

“Yea, I think you’re right. Thank you Harry. Thank you for being here for me.  And I love it that we’re going to be uncles and moving in together. We’re growing up, little boy.” He ran a hand through my hair.

 

_We are growing up._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news is all that Harry gets, until Liam thinks he's crossed the line this time..

_..2 years later.._

  
“Jessamyn? Jess! Come here honey. We have to go to daycare.” I said while walking towards her bedroom. It was a cold and dark winter morning. That kind of morning when you really don’t want to get of bed, and instead sit in front of the fire whole day with a blanket and a muck of hot chocolate. But duty calls, so that wasn’t really an option anyway.

“Daddy, I don’t feel goowd.” She struggled to say with her sore throat. I felt her forehead and she was seriously cooking.

“Ahw, sweetie, how did you get a flu? You haven’t played outside without a coat again, have you?”

“I pwomised I wouldn’t do that again daddy!” She sounded slightly offended.

“Yeah- I know Jess. I’m sorry. I’ll just keep you at home and I’ll try to take a day off.”

“Can I sleep sowme more daddy?”

“Sure love. Sleep tight and I love you Jessamyn.”

“Love you too daddy.”  
   
I walked away and closed her door, so she wouldn’t wake up when calling my boss. Jessamyn wasn’t really my daughter. It was my sisters’. But she wasn’t here any more  neither was her boyfriend- Quite a long story..

Anyway, I adopted her, thank god I was old enough, what would’ve happened to her otherwise? Jess was such a beautiful little thing. Her hair was curly like mine, and she had the most beautiful blue eyes. Most of the time people think I am a teen dad.. I hate all the judging looks and the whispers behind your back. I always feel the urge to just turn around and tell them to shut up.   
   
I dialled my bosses number and his voice-mail came up after 3 tones, but I got called back instantly.

“Harry! Where the hell are you?” My boss practically whispered. “We have an encounter remember? They’re all here already, come right now!”

“Oh shit! I totally forgot!! Can they wait another minute? Jess is sick, so I’ll have to call a babysitter. I’ll come as soon as I can. I’m so sorry I forgot.” And without even letting him say something, I hung up and dialled Liam’s number. He picked up immediately.

“Liam, Liam. Can you please, please, please help me out?”

“With?” He simply mumbled.

“Jessamyn is sick and I can’t get a day off, because I have a promotion encounter today, which I almost forgot about and am late for already.. Do you have time to watch her today?”

Liam was also her daddy. Liam and I were uncles before, but then she started calling us daddy, and to be honest, we didn’t mind. We loved her as our own daughter.

“You know I’m at my mom’s right now, right? It will take me at least 2 minutes to get home.” 

“It’s two minutes Liam!! Come pleeaaasee!”

“I’m already in the car love.” Liam laughed sheepishly.

“Thank you, so, so much! I owe you big time.”  
   
When Liam arrived, I left as quickly as possible.   
  
“Harry, where are you?” My boss’ voice loudly echoed through the phone. 

“I- uuh- in the car, I will be there in, like, 5 minutes. And a half…” It probably was another 15 minutes, but lying was better sometimes.

“Turn around. You already got the promotion in the pocket! I presented your ideas, and they loved it. They will come to the office tomorrow to meet you. You deserve a day off, don’t you think.” My boss always spoke in one breath. I don’t know how, but he managed to keep himself alive, so I didn’t care about it. 

“What?! That- that is amazing! Thank you so much! I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I smiled at myself. I just got promoted. Isn’t it amazing? I couldn’t have dreamed this happening some time ago..  
  
I pulled my car over and walked out. I smelled the natural scent of the trees and inhaled deeply with my eyes closed. I always needed extra oxygen before entering the hospital.

“Good morning Harry. How come you’re early today?” Joanna, an 47 year old nurse who I knew pretty good by now, said.

“I didn’t have to work today. I got promoted without even being at the encounter.”

“Well, congratulations Harry. That’s great news!” She hugged me tightly. “I have some great news too! He woke up! After almost 5 months he finally woke up. He doesn’t remember anything though, but we expected that already, and you too right? Operation will be tomorrow, love. Go and see him.” I was flabbergasted if not more.. He woke up! This couldn’t be real.. But- but what do I have to say to him? 

“Does he remember people?”

“No, nothing for as far as I know.” I walked in. I walked in with the hardest beating heart ever, and the heaviest shaking knees anyone has ever seen. But I kept walking in. I looked up when I heard a painful cough. Zayn, he was there on the bed, lying in an odd position, not like he had been lying the past 4,5 months, and I had no clue about what to say.

“How are you feeling?” Was all I managed to say, and face-palmed myself for it immediately. He didn’t even know me..

“Terrible, how about you?”

“I was great, but not any more.”

“Why’s that?”

“You feeling terrible, doesn’t exactly keep me in the ‘I feel great’-mood.” I explained while walking over to the bed he was on, now I had cut the tension and awkwardness.

“I’m Andrew Matthews by the way.” Zayn said as if nothing was wrong with him.

“How do you know that?”

“Well, I know Andrew is my name, because my parents called me so.” He almost dûhh-d.

“You- you’re name isn’t Andrew Matthews.. It’s Zayn. Zayn Malik.”

“No it’s not! I’m Andrew!”

“Zayn, listen.”

“MY NAME IS NOT ZAYN. I AM ANDREW!” It was quite scary, how mad he was getting.. but his heart monitor also began to peep louder.

“Okay, okay. Andrew! Of course, I totally forgot that you’re called Andrew and not Zayn.”

“Want a cookie?” He said playfully, pointing to the box of cookies, and as if he didn’t have a burst out just a second ago.

“No, thanks.”

“You remember that time we baked cookies together? They were so good. I never ate better cookies in my life!”Where the hell was he talking about?

“Ohh, yeah, I totally agree. They were delicious! Can you just- I need to go to the bathroom, okay? I’ll be right back.” I stumbled out of the room searching desperately for Joanna. I saw her at the end of the corridor. 

“Jo! Jo!” She turned around with a smile, but as soon as she saw my panicked face, she began to worry.

“Harry, what’s wrong?”

“He says he is called Andrew Matthews. First he’s introducing himself and a second later he talks about us, in the past. First he has an outburst and a second later he asks with a childish voice if I want a cookie! What is this?” I sounded a bit aggressive.

“It’s because he just came out of his coma. It’s like.. a high, maybe. He knows he’s saying weird things, but he just doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong. Don’t argue with him or his brain will get injured even more.” I walked back again. Back to Zayn. Zayn will be in surgery tomorrow. He’ll get a brain surgery, it’s pretty risky. If they accidently damage one other part, he’ll die. The change he will die is 85%. It’s so high… And I can’t even say goodbye to him properly if he stays like this all day. 

“Andrew! Why don’t you tell something about yourself?” I happily said as I walked inside again.

“Why? Okay!” He was really enthusiastic for some reason.

“I am Andrew Matthews. I’m 22 years old. I live in.. I don’t know where I live to be honest. I love painting. And that’s also my job. And I am very good at it.”

“Do you have friends?”

“Yeah, you of course, and uhm I have a girlfriend, Taylor.”

“Taylor what?”

“Taylor Swift.” Zayn simply stated and it made me laugh harder than I intended. 

“What?”

“Nothing Z- Andrew.. So, do you want me to tell something about myself?”

“No. I know you from head to toe and from inside out.”

“Ooh, okay then what do you want to talk about?”

“About Disneyland, the fairytales. Tell me a story. With princes Harry and prince Andrew.” He giggled, it was cute, but his injured face still made my eyes burn with tears.

“Once upon a time, there lived-” Wait.. he knew my name.. he knew my name, how can he know my name?! He can’t, know my n- how- but-

“Continue.”

“Oh yeah, right. Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princes. His name was Harry and he was the son of the wealthiest family in the whole world. The house was placed near a waterfall where he had to get water every morning. Until one day.. he saw a frog. A frog who could speak. He said his name was Andrew, and he was a prince, he needed to be kissed to turn into a prince again. Harry was a really nice guy, so he gave the frog what he wanted, a kiss. But the frog didn’t turn into a prince… Harry turned into a frog..”

I stayed with Zayn all night. If I couldn’t say goodbye to him properly, I needed to have fun and laugh with him. And that’s what we did.   
  
-  
  
When I went to bed for the millionth time with the other side of my bed cold and empty, I found myself thinking about the last time Harry told me he loved me. For the past year and a half, we’d been much more distant and didn’t even talk that much any more. After eight times in a row, sleeping without Harry I began to panic. He never said those simple words. ‘I love you Liam’.

Maybe it was because of all the things that happened the past few years, but I still loved him, so he loved me too right? Though I felt like he didn’t. Harry always disappeared after work, to come home at around 3 am and slip into the bed in the guest room instead of curling up next to me in the already warm and comfortable bed.. Where were you last night? I would ask every morning when I entered the kitchen to find a busy Harry and a sleepy Jess. He most of the time mumbled something and then turned to Jess to talk to her about anything an almost 2 year old likes to talk about. After that he’d leave and won’t show up till 3 am or something.. 

When I look over at Harry’s part of this bed, it is empty. Empty as always, even if he’s there, it’s still empty. He is there but without any kind of interest in me. And that’s how it has been for more than 5 months.. It feels like our chemistry died. It died like a bird that was hit by a car, suffering to get up again and live. Our connection died, he failed to recover..  
This should end.  
  
-  
  
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and woke up with a sharp pain in my neck. Ooh, I was still in the hospital, sleeping on Zayn’s hand with my head while sitting on a uncomfortable chair. I grabbed my phone and saw Liam’s name flash on the screen. 

‘Oh not again..’ I mumbled and gave Zayn a soft kiss on his forehead “I’ll see you tomorrow”, and ran out of the hospital and meanwhile, I called Liam. 

“Li, what’s wrong?”

“Are you ok? Where are you?”

“I’m totally fine and I’m in the car. I’m coming right now.”

“But where were you then? Your boss told me you didn’t have to go to work because of your promotion, so..?”

“I- I was at Joanna’s. I hadn’t seen her in a long long time, and she texted me this morning if I wanted to go shopping with her. So I did.”

“And you don’t even think about texting me about your promotion? You’re acting weird since, you know..”

“What do you expect me to act like Liam? What do you, huh?” He hung up..  
  
Liam and I weren’t as close any more. We argued a lot, like, a lot a lot. Everyday a few times, but I still loved Liam like chocolate-filled cupcakes. Or maybe that wasn’t enough… I know Liam has all the right to fight with me, it is totally my fault, but I just can’t tell him. He’ll never forgive me..  
  
I rode up the driveway, into the garage. When I stepped out of my car Liam stood, in the dark, against the tree, looking at me with pure hate in his eyes. “Hi babe.” I whispered.

“You have 2 options. 1 you tell me what is going on. Or 2  you don’t.”

“I- I, what?”

“I want to break up with you. Find a place to sleep for tonight. You can get your stuff later.”

“What?! But Liam! You can’t do this! I love you Liam.” I tried to hold his hand, but he pulled him behind his back quickly. 

“Li…” the tears were everywhere. “I can’t live without you! I love you..”

“You don’t Harry, you don’t and know that. You had to think about it before. I can’t handle you never being home while I need you. Just, go away Harry.”

“Can I please kiss you.” I walked closer and saw Liam dropping his gaze to the floor. I lifted his chin and brought my face closer, till our lips connected. When we broke apart Liam winked away his tears. “Don’t you love me Liam?”

“Goodbye Harry.” I sobbed painfully hard. “No. No Liam. Don’t do this!”

“Harry, just go home. You know you don’t want this any more. It’s better for your sake.”

“Can I just- Can I have Jess?”

“No, you’re a mess. Just, go home Harry. Take your time.”  
  
I left.. Without my daughter. I needed my daughter, but I knew Liam was right about me being a mess. ‘I love you Jessamyn Malik’ I mumbled under my breath while I drove away from our house..


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is confused. Liam and Harry work things out. And Zayn... he is not doing fine.

Liam and I weren’t the kind of couple to breakup without a reason. And definitely not the kind of couple to run away from facing each other’s problems. I knew I could expect Liam tomorrow to call me a hell lot of times. He would want to breakup in peace, no matter how ridiculous that may sound, but if you knew Liam, you’d understand. He wants to stay friends and I actually want to stay friends with him as well.

I have been in relationships with girls before Liam, but with them I felt totally different. When I think back, I can only see myself with a mask on. I laughed when she laughed. I cuddled when she cuddled. I had sex when she had (obviously). But I was never in love. I never felt anything, it was all a big joke.

Also the way we broke up is the most weird breakup you’ll ever experience in your life. We found the most silly reason to fight and these fights, eventually led to a breakup (and I didn’t mind at all).

Liam and I were real though, and my heart  _is_  broken right now. But I know he is right.

“What the hell?” I looked through my watery eyes, out of the front window of my car, onto the, from my headlights, lightened street. I had no idea where I was going all this time I was driving. Destiny leads its way I guess. But I didn’t get it.

_“Cemetery Blue Bridge Newland”_  A big sign constructed on the gate read. I don’t know why, but I got out of my car and walked towards the gate to open it. A loud shriek came from the hinges, it made me shiver like a madman.

“Hello?” I called into the darkness of the cemetery. No answer, so I walked to the tombstones. They didn’t look really old to me, some were freshly white, others from nice and cleaned-up marble, I liked the place. But one stone in particular got my attention. It was fully made out of glass, and in it was a picture of a blond guy, who was slightly familiar for some reason and underneath it was a picture of a raven-haired boy with a big brown dog. My heart broke at seeing these pictures.. they probably lost their dad…

When I wanted to walk away, I saw a text on top.

 

_To our beloved dad,_

_You are a hero._

_Our hero._

_The hero._

_You lived your dreams,_

_And we’ll do the same._

_Thank you,_

_Thank you for being you,_

_For being our father and mother at the same time._

_You’re strong dad,_

_And we know you are out there,_

_Being our guardian angel._

_We love you with all our hearts._

_Rest in peace B.E._

I smiled. Such a beautiful stone. They lost their father, and are still so positive in life. They can still manage to continue and live life to the fullest. I needed to do the same, I realised then. I need to start and see things from a bright side again. Every negative thing has its positive side, as long as you try hard enough to see it.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and called Liam.

“Harry? What is wrong?” Liam sounded broken, but concerned nonetheless.

“Liam, can I come home? I know we broke up, but we can be friends right? I really can’t be without you. I miss you..” My voice broke and I think it was even audible for Liam. “Please?”

“Harry, I know we had a great time together, but I genuinely think breaking up was the right thing to do. Don’t try to change it or you’ll only make it worse.”

“Liam, listen. I just want to have a good conversation with you. I miss you okay? But I think you were right. About the love thing. I love you, but not- not like that anymore. I’m so sorry, but I never realised I was mistreating you. You deserve so much more. You are the best greatest person I know. But aren’t I at least friend-worthy? Please just give me a chance?”

“Where are you even? You’re not in the car, are you?”

“No, no, I’m not. I’m at a cemetery.”

“A cemetery? At this time? What cemetery?” He was clearly shocked.

“Well, the Blue Bridge Newland.”

“What the hell are you doing there?!”

“Well, I don’t know to be honest. I just…. got here..”

“Come home Harry. Come home.”

I hung up, to leave but before that I took a picture of the tombstone, so it could remind me of the Brightside later in my life. If I needed it.

 

—

 

“Want a pancake?” Liam asked when I entered the kitchen the next morning.

We talked till 4am or something. It was a good talk. We even laughed. Liam confessed he didn’t really love me anymore either. We were fooling each other and we never had the guts to tell one another.

“Yeah, thanks.” He gave me the delicious smelling pancake and smiled sweetly.

“Don’t we have to wake Jess?” I asked with my mouth full.

“Nah, she was still sick yesterday and was up till 11.30. She’s probably even sicker today.”

“Ohw, my poor baby. We’ll just keep her home for this week, I think that’s better.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Can you watch her today? I have to go for work.” Liam already knew the answer deep in his heart.

“Urm, I actually have to leave right now. How late do you have to leave?”

“12.30” He sighed.

“Ooh that’s great. I have work till 12.00 so I can watch her then, if you could just keep an eye on her now?”

“Yeah, I can. Whatever.”

I stood up and walked over to him. “Thanks Li.” I pecked him on the cheek. “See you at 12.30.” And I left.

 

—

 

My heart pounded in my chest, so loudly it echoed in my ears, which made me crinkle my nose because of the pain I suddenly felt flowing through my entire body. My head felt like it could explode every second. I wanted to open my eyes. Open them.

Open them Zayn, come on!

One eye started blinking, the other followed him. When they were open I saw hazy. But after I winked a few times my vision sharpened..

“Zayn?” A guy who held my hand and looked into my eyes intently said.

“Zayn, can you hear me? Just wink if it’s a yes, okay?” I winked.

“Can you talk?” No I couldn’t. How did I say no?

“Okay. Uhm how are you feeling? Oh wait, you can’t answer that with yes or no.. Do you have pain?” I winked.

“A lot?” I winked again.

“I’ll get a doctor. Be right back love.”

The guy clearly knew me. But what the hell? I had never seen him in my life before. And where was I even? A doctor? What happened? Why am I in pain?

“Stay here Jess. And be quiet. He is very ill.” The guy said to.. Jess. Jess? Who’s that? And I’m ill? But I can’t even remember that I was ill. I can’t be ill. I’m totally fine, I just have a massive headache, but I’m not ill..

“Good evening sleepy head. I’m just going to take some blood and check your infusion. Don’t worry. Do you need some painkillers?” A girl in white clothes said.

“Yes yes, he just said he was in a _lot_ of pain.” The curly haired guy’s voice suddenly came from somewhere I couldn’t see him. Thank you I wanted to say, but again no audible sound came.

The girl changed my infusion, took some blood and left. Then the curly haired came to me with a glass of water and a little girl on his arm. I guess that’s Jess. He placed the straw in my mouth and I took a little sip of the water. My dry mouth immediately reconstructed itself and I gave talking a go.

“H- Hi”

“Hello Zayn.” He smiled so lovely..

“Who are you?”

“I’m Harry Styles. And this is Jessamyn.”

“Oh, why am I sick?”

“You aren’t sick really. You had a surgery today, a pretty intense one.”

“For what?” I wanted to know everything but my eyelids were so, so heavy. I didn’t think I could hold them any longer.

“Your brains are damaged. But it’ll be okay now. Don’t worry Zayn. You should sleep. Jess and I are leaving okay? We will be here tomorrow morning. Goodnight love. Sleep well. Hold on.” He gave me a kiss, and suddenly my eyes closed and a loud shriek escaped my lips. My lungs were longing for air. My whole body ached and I started hearing a loud beep. Just some seconds later it was gone. The pain, the beep, the _longing_ for air. Everything was gone.

My life was gone. I could see myself lying on the bed, not moving a muscle, while nurses and doctors surrounded me, and a crying Harry and Jessamyn in the corner, awaiting what will happen.

I was _dead_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> problems problems problems

“Your brains are damaged. But it’ll be okay now. Don’t worry Zayn. You should sleep. Jess and I are leaving okay? We will be here tomorrow morning. Goodnight love. Sleep well. Stay strong.” I gave him a kiss, and grabbed Jess’ hand to go home but when I turned my back to Zayn he suddenly shrieked and his heart monitor began to peep loudly, and it eventually became a monotonous beep.

Before I knew it doctors were everywhere and Jess and I were pushed against the wall, waiting impatiently. 

I clanged onto Jess and started crying. I didn’t want to upset her also, but I couldn’t contain it anymore. I couldn’t lose him. I just couldn’t…

“Try it again. One more time.” I heard the doctor say. They were defibrillating him.

Third time.. and his heart still wasn’t beating.

I watched the scene through my waterfalls and my own heart almost stopped beating from this tension. I folded my hands together and prayed. I prayed to god to keep Zayn alive.   
Please stay alive.

Please.

I need you Zayn.

I love you.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The endless beep suddenly became short beeps. 

“Zayn!” I cried out. Thank god. Thank god he is alive.

—-

 “I have to. A couple of months ago. There was a bit of… an accident.” I explained, looking down at my shoes.

“Oh.” Zayn breathed out. I already knew it was a bad idea to talk about this right now.

“What happened?” He asked me, hope filling his heart, as I finally talked about something different than him.

“It’s nothing. Never mind. I just- Ohh, do you know what time Liam will be home?”

“Mate, I don’t remember anything from my past okay? I don’t even remember you. And I don’t know who my family is, who my friends are, I don’t know who I am! How am I supposed to know who Liam is?!” He got frustrated again, and even though I totally understand why, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Ooh.. I am doing something wrong.. but- I don’t know..

“Liam lives here too, he’s my friend/ ex boyfriend. He owns the house just for your information. He doesn’t know you. So I hope he’s okay, with you being here for a while. But he’ll probably love you.”

“Wait- He doesn’t know I’m here?”

“Uuh- no.”

“How is he ever gonna approve my presence if he doesn’t know me, and you haven’t told him I’m here.”

“I’ll call him right now. Don’t worry.” I gave him a smile and walked out of the living room to call Liam.

—-

Liam looked at me briefly before smiling over to Zayn and talking, “So, how do you two know each other?”

“We- uuhm, I don’t know.” Zayn sighed loudly and I made a mental note to tell him later that he wasn’t really trustworthy. I told him to tell Liam, we knew each other from work and that he had been through a break-up and was left without a house.

“You don’t know? I don’t get that.” Liam furrowed his brows in question.

“Yeah, I just came out of the hospital and-” I had to cut him off.

“We know each other through work!” I said, probably too unbelievable because Liam didn’t take a word of it.

“You’ve been in the hospital? What had happened?” Liam looked so intensely interested right now that I just knew I didn’t have any chance to change this situation.

“They say I had a car accident. But all I remember really is waking up in the hospital one day, to die that same day and magically waking up again. I don’t know man..” Liam and Zayn seemed to get along really well.

“Wow, you died?! How are you feeling now than?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Lot of pain, but Harry helps me loads and thank you so much for letting me stay here. After that car accident in October, I don’t even remember if I have family and friends.. It’s quite lonely at times.”

“In October you said?” Liam looked at me with as much displease as you can imagine. His eyes spoke louder than words. They said:  _we need to talk. Right. Now._

“Excuse us for a sec Zayn.” I apologised to him.

Liam grabbed my arm and walked a few steps behind me, up the stairs. Once we were in Liam’s room, he began to speak.

“Harry. Is he who I think he is?” The thing I wonder the most about is probably why Liam is so smart.

“Yeah..” I looked at my feet, nearly inaudible talking.

“He is Liam.”

“You are completely out of your mind aren’t you?! And he doesn’t know anything?” I shook my head because I was out of words.

“You are going to tell him everything before the end of this week, or you I’ll kick your pretty little ass, and his too, out of my house. Understood?” Liam was never kidding when it came to these things. So I nodded shyly and walked back downstairs.

“You’re making a big mistake Harry!” Liam yelled after me.

Entering the living room again, I found Zayn, on his knees. His had was holding his stomach and the sounds coming from his throat were everything but a sign of recovery. I ran over to him and pulled him up by his arm, towards the bathroom. Once we were there, Zayn fell over the toilet and threw up. He threw up blood and everything he had eaten that day.

“It’s okay Zayn. It’ll all be okay.” I rubbed a hand along his thin back and stroked with my other hand through his hair to comfort him.

“It hurts Harry. It hurts.” He cried.

“Come on, let’s get you to the hospital.” I threw my arms around him and tried to lift him up, so he could walk with me to the car.

—-

“He is allergic for the medicines he’s having Harry.” Joanna told me sadly.

“He will be okay. But we have to keep him here for a few days. He needs medical care every few hours. You can see him now if you want.”

“Thank you Jo.” I whispered while looking at my feet that walked towards Zayn’s hospital room.

When I stood at his door, I didn’t walk in. I thought it was finally over with all these hospitals.. I cared so much about Zayn, and to see him in the hospital this frequently was hard..

I loved him.

I loved Zayn.

Zayn was awake and smiled up at me when he saw me standing there.

“What big mistake are you making Harry?” He said shyly with his tanned cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

 

_Falling for you._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Harry work things out. Zayn remembers Niall and he immediately comes over. Only Harry doesn't really enjoy his presence.

“What big mistake are you making Harry?” He said shyly with his tanned cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“Uhm, oh, nothing, I’ll tell you later.” I stuttered already knowing he wouldn’t believe me, but denying anyways.

“Okay.”

“How are you feeling Zayn? Have you thrown up more blood since you were here?”

“I’m okay actually. And I haven’t, no. I don’t know what was wrong though, but that lady gave me something to stop the bleeding.” His voice was raucous from pain and his eyes were halfway closed. No he wasn’t feeling okay. He was feeling horrible. Miserable. Like shit.

“I’m so sorry Zayn..” I said looking at my hands with burning tears in the corners of my eyes. I stood up and walked out of his hospital room. While I was in the corridor already I heard him yell, “About what?”, but I ignored it, cried and made sure to reach my car before anyone would come after me..

I just loved him too much to tell him about everything.

—-

“Jo?”

“Yeah babe?” Jo walked inside now and looked at me friendly.

“Why do I feel like I know that guy?” I asked with my brows furrowed together in confusion while pointing at the TV that was hanging just above my bed.

She sighed and then looked me in the eyes with sad eyes.

“Zayn. You know your brain is damaged and you can’t remember anything right? We only know that you don’t have family anymore and we can’t trace down your friends. I’m really sorry honey. I wish I knew..”

“I think I was friends with him.” I said more to myself than to her. Neither had I listened to anything she just said. That boy on the TV. That boy was everything that got my attention. It was a short Irish lad, with the most perfect blue eyes and, it looked like, dyed blonde hair. But it suited him like it was meant to be blonde. He was really cheery and bubbly and the song he sang was brilliant…

_“I never told anyone about your eyes_

_They burned wild_

_And crept up and down my spine.._

_Whenever you got a chance to hurt_

_You’d take it all,_

_Like a burning flame and_

_If you’d known_

_Me at all,_

_You’d known you’ve gone too far._

_So, do you really hate me?_

_Did I really need this?_

_Did you ever feel like_

_you were being a good father._

_So please tell me,_

_Do you really hate me?_

_Am I such a shame?…”_

 

..His voice was like an angel..

“Give it up for BOLD EAGLE!!” some random guy that presented the show screamed loudly after they finished the song.

Bold eagle.. Bold eagle…

“Jesus.” I muttered. This is frustrating. I know I know him but I’m not sure.. It’s like when you are a little kid and you lost your mum and then you think you see her but you’re not sure, so you run pass her first and check before grabbing her hand. But then I don’t have anything to check.. No one will be able to tell me if that boy is or is not my friend.

The band went off stage and backstage, there was an interviewer waiting eagerly.

“Guys, what an amazing performance!” they all laughed a bit and thanked him.

“Niall, I have to ask this. Everyone is wondering, can you confirm any rumours about you and Zayn?”

“Me and Zayn are just best friends. We’re not together or anything. Zayn is really amazing and I miss him loads, so I think that’s where the rumours came from..” Niall sighed. The name Niall wasn’t as familiar to me as his looks, but the fact that he was talking about a Zayn.. This must be real. Niall is my friend. I am the guy he is talking about!

“When will you see him again? Because you’ve been in America for a long long time already haven’t you?”

“We leave America this week to go back to the UK. We are all missing our homes.” Another member of the band said. Louis. Louis Tomlinson. Why do I know that? Damn..

Anyway.. HE WILL COME BACK!

I had to see him. I had to phone him or anything at least, I had to do something. Something. But what?

“I have a few questions from your twitter fans. I saw you reached 6 million followers today! You’ve grew so big in such a short time, and-“

This was it. Twitter. I have twitter for as far as I remember. Yeah.. I do right? Everyone does.. right? I must have it.. right?

“Jo!” I yelled as I saw her passing my room.

“Zayn.”

“Is it possible to get me a computer? I need to do something.” 

“Uhm, I could call Harry and ask him to bring a laptop next time he visits? That okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course.. thanks.” I shrugged slightly as Jo walked away again, probably to give Harry a call.

  
—

“So you really going to do this then?” 

“Of course, I have nothing to lose right? I don’t have anything now, so I can at least try to get Niall’s attention.”

“You have me!”

“Oh, yeah, I know. But I won’t lose you. You love me.” 

_Yeah I do_ , I thought. 

“Send. I hope he’ll read it. He probably gets thousands of these DM’s.” Zayn sighed.

“Send it a few times. I’m pretty sure he will read at least one.”

“You’re smart Haz.”

“Ooh giving me nicknames now huh? Zaynster.” I shoved his shoulder.

Zayn chuckled. “Oh come on!” I loved it. Every time he laughed because of me. God.. What have I gotten myself into?..

“You know I even knew that other guy? Louis? I seriously recognised him and immediately new his name. Isn’t that pathetic?” Zayn was still writing some other DM’s. I was jealous easily. Liam knew all about it, but I knew I could at least try to bring Niall and Zayn together. Though I didn’t even know Niall. He seems like a lovely bloke and he is so worried. I could see his hurt face from miles away.

“That isn’t pathetic, that’s wonderful!”

“How is Jess, by the way? All better?”

“Hmm not really. That flu is eating her like a lion. She asked about you this morning.”

“Really? Why?”

“Dunno. Think she misses you.”

“Ahw that’s so sweet. I love her. Why didn’t you take her again? You took her last time, she was sick then too.”

“What if she infects you. That can’t happen. You are vulnerable already. I want you to recover as fast as possible. I want you back home Zayn.” I quickly looked away when I realised what I had just said. Home? Seriously?  _Harry, you are dumb._

“Hey, don’t worry about that. It is kind of like home, right. I don’t know where I live. So home is with you, Liam and Jess.” His hand rubbed over my hand shyly.

“Why do you never ask questions Zayn?”

His brows furrowed together of confusion. But I needed to know.

”..Wh- What?”

“Why do you never ask questions? Why haven’t you ever asked me about your family? Your friends? Your old life? Why do you never ask what happened? Or who I am?”

“I just” He sighed quietly, “I’m scared.”

“I’m scared to know who I was. I will never be able to be just that person again I guess. I can’t be. And I like you. You are here for me. Isn’t that just enough?”

“Do you think it’s enough?”

“Absolutely.” His grip on my hand had tightened and I decided to cherish it. This moment, so intimate, didn’t happen that often in a hospital I think.

 

—-

“So let me get this straight. You are in love with Zayn, well you think you are, you held hands for a good two hours, and then you walked away without another word?” I just nodded.

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“Niall.” Was all I said.

“Niall? Who’s Niall?” Liam was clueless. When I had stumbled into the house and screamed his name repeatedly he nearly had a heart attack. When I had found him, all I did was clung onto him and mumble some nothings.

“Niall, from Bold Eagle.”

“Ahh that Niall. What does he have to do with you and Zayn?”

“Niall is in all probability Zayn’s best friend. He remembered Niall and Louis. And he DM’d Niall as soon as he found out. Next thing, Niall responds to his DM and they don’t stop DM’ing. I saw Zayn’s eyes light up with every DM he got. Then he told Niall he had had an accident and everything and tells him I am taking good care of him and he doesn’t have to worry.”

“And?” Liam shrugs at me as if I am being ridiculous.

“And Niall asked; Who is Harry?”

“Ooh fuck. But Haz, I told you to tell him already! You should have done that the first time you could talk to him.” Liam seemed mad, but he did come closer to me to comfort me.

“What did Zayn tell him?”

“I don’t know. Zayn asked if it was right that Niall and I didn’t know each other. And of course that was right. Otherwise I would have told him already. He thought that made sense too. But then he asked me what I did know him from. That was the moment I run.”

“Go to that hospital and tell him Harry. You can’t do this to someone you love. You can’t. He has to know, otherwise nothing will happen. Ever.”

“I’m scared.” I said while my heart started to beat faster and faster.

“Go tomorrow morning, the sooner you do it, the sooner it is from your chest.”

—

I called him this morning. I knew I had to tell him sometime, and I decided it would only be more hurtful if I postponed it even longer. It’s been almost a month now. I know, I know. Way to long. He doesn’t deserve me, but I just love him too much to actually tell him this. I thought about it whole night. Should I do it, or shouldn’t I… Conclusion- I should. Like I said, it’s been too long already.

So, here I am, walking through the corridors of the Cornwall Hospital in London. Nerves started to run through my veins and my breathing was loud and heavy. I felt like I could pass out every minute, but I had to go on. ‘Come on, you can do this. It’s the best thing you could do. Gemma will be proud of you.’ I encouraged myself while standing in front of his room door.  

“Hey love, how are you feeling?” I said a bit too suspicious.

“Hi Harry! What took you so long? Is something wrong? What happened yesterday?”

“Urh, well, yeah. I need to talk to you.” My heart started to beat faster in my chest and my hands got sweaty.

“What is it? You’re scaring me Harry..”

“Listen, I really care about you so much okay. So much you can’t even imagine. You are-, you are the most important person in my life. Everything I care about. And, well, I can imagine you don’t want to see me again after I say this, but I have to. I- We, I mean..” His face, so pretty, so vulnerable. I was afraid..

“Babe, I know what you’re gonna say. It’s ok.”

“Is it?” I frowned.

“Yeah, I mean, why wouldn’t it be ok? I feel it too. Our bound is unbreakable, our paths crossed each other with a reason, right? I love you. I really do. I wouldn’t have got through this all without you. You were my reason to live. I mean.. I love you too.”

My mouth was slightly ajar by his sudden confession. Was he serious. I mean, I love him too, but that wasn’t exactly what I was going to say..

“But- But..” I stuttered. I had no idea what to do now. You know sometimes when you have to do something you don’t want to do, you keep imagining how it will happen. I did that whole night. But this never happened in my imagination.

“You aren’t supposed to talk right now, you know? You are supposed to kiss me or something.” He laughed shyly and I could see his tanned skin had turned a light shade of pink.

I really did love him. I loved him so much it hurt. So, I leaned in. Hesitantly at first. But when I saw Zayn closing his eyes, I closed the gap between us. Our lips connecting passionately. The world didn’t exist anymore. Just me and Zayn.

We parted when we suddenly heard a voice behind us.

“So, you call this taking good care of you Zayny?” Niall. Niall was standing there in the doorway. Smiling sadly at the sight of Zayn.

“At least you did keep your promise.” Niall smirked.

 

_With Niall here, everything is ruined. Fuck.My.Life._


End file.
